The first productive thing I did this year was leave a passive-aggressive note on a new Nissan that said:

Awesome park job, retard. Way to leave me no space. I'd key your car to hell, only I'm not an asshole like you are.

Maybe it was all aggressive.

Last night was fun, but I called it quits around 1:30 and took a free school bus to my door with a $20 tip for the driver. I wasn't in the partying mood I'd hoped to be in. Too much PMS and too much grabbing don't mix. Yes, I willingly admit to being a huge pussbag. Da dum.

Canada won the World Juniors game against the USA. It was a really good game. The first WJH game I watched was Canada versus Latvia, which was a huge piss-off. Canada vs. USA is always a close game, and actually worth watching. Here's hoping they both come back to Booster Juice tomorrow. The Swedish team stopped in at UPS and printed off team photos. El Oh El.

I'm off to watch the new Trailer Park Boys movie on Blu-Ray before bed. I don't want to work tomorrow morning.

I totally forgot to mention that the toy inside my Christmas cracker this year was a paperclip, completely blowing 2006's failure out of the water. Beat that, bitches.

I remember being a little kid and there was always one 'big ticket', must-have item, plus small gifts here and there. This year I received fewer than ten presents, which is 110% OK with me. It means I can keep track of my shit for once. I think the most expensive thing I got was a necklace from halfh0ur's mum. What a fabulous lady!

My 'big ticket' item this year was the first two seasons of ALF on DVD from my own mum and step-dad. So happy! Hope to get three and four for my birthday in March.

I have to be at work for 7:30 am tomorrow. Fuck you, Boxing Day. Let me get my Harry Potter calendar and get home in one piece. My cousin's six-year-old daughter beat the shit out of me in good-natured play. I think my nose is broken (she stole it, ate it, and pooped it out). Awesome!

The Boxing Day adverts in the newspaper make me wish I didn't have to be at work for 7:30 that morning. FFFFFUUUUUUU.

I didn't get to see Santa this year. Bummer. Killing time while waiting for my hair to dry. eatmyphotons tipped me off to the following SA thread: The Most Bachelor Thing You've Ever Done. It's kind of the story of my life.

I'm also super happy with the new boys at work. They're cheek-pinchingly adorable and absolutely keen to not suck at their job. If I were in grade ten I'd probably go out of my way to be BFF with them.

Speaking of underage boys, it's really creepy when my younger co-workers try to point out cute boys in the food court. 'Come on, Britt, isn't he hot?' They say, and I'm all like, 'DUDE HE'S JAILBAIT ALL I SEE IS THE WAISTBAND OF HIS DIAPER.' I retaliate and point out someone who looks, oh, 23-27, and they say, 'So old. Gross.'



With any luck, Mum will avoid the cardiac arrest of last year. She has that badass, $30 000 defibrillator implant now, but I'd still prefer she have the most uneventful day of her life.

Thinking of her defibrillator reminds me of the time I went to La Vie En Rose to buy a plain bra, as the one I was wearing was cheap shit from Walmart I hadn't tried on first and needed to be rid of. The woman in the shop kept directing me to these bras with magnetic front closures, and all I could really say was, 'if I hug my mother while wearing that, I'll probably kill her'. It was lol.

I was going to leave to take the bus at 8:00 AM, but my hair is still wet and I'm lazy and it's -30 °C I think I'll call a taxi. I've been cutting back on taxis, I swear!

This story is boring.

I went to the bar and had a really good time until my back started hurting so much I could barely stand. Some worthless sack of shit decided to help, by first patting my shoulder and asking what was wrong, following up with an unwanted hand up my skirt. I was too drunk and too hurt to do more than shove him off and move elsewhere, but dude, keep your cocksmacking hands out of my panties. I feel so gross about it you have no idea. Blaaagh maybe a bath in vinegar or Lysol or something will do the trick.

Anyway, I saw two of my old BFFs, both there separately, both of whom I'd been good buddies with since we were four-years-old. A high school friend was serving, and another high school friend was there with his girlfriend, one of my old BFFs. I asked him to pass a rather vulgar message along to an old guy friend of mine. For the first time, I don't really feel bad for saying these things about this guy friend. It feels liberating, actually. bland, please be proud of me.

I spent the day feeling pretty hungover. I left the club early (if 1:30 is early) in a cab due to massive amounts of pain and looking like a fool for it. Today was spent in and out of sleep with a hangover that didn't really go away until 8:00 PM. The kicker is that I didn't have very much to drink.

This evening halfh0ur and I gorged like kings on Asia Buffet. It was amazing. Now I am hungry still, so Kraft Dinner at midnight is in order.

No more booze until New Year's, if even then. I've never made good New Year's plans. I usually sleep through it. Ho hum.

Tomorrow is a potluck at a co-worker's house that I've been looking forward to for weeks, as it's to be followed by dancing and frivolity I haven't experienced for a long time. I booked this weekend off ages ago. Super pumped.

... Until a shelf broke and everything heavy on it fell on me and now I'm in heaps of pain and off work and having to fill out workers' compensation forms and spend tomorrow night playing purse jockey. I'm so glad nothing hit my head, but cripes, everything else hurts. My chest, my wrists, my elbows, my foot and especially my back.

I spent today away from both of my jobs and lay in bed wanting to die. I had planned to go to the doctor today, but when I was able to call Mum for a lift, it was too late. Tomorrow. I have lots of Tylenol 3 on hand, but it doesn't do much (unless the pain I feel is minimal compared to what it should be).

THAT SHELF WAS SUPPOSED TO BE REPLACED LIKE, A YEAR AGO. As of today, we have brand new shelves. Whoopie.

EDIT: Stolen from flax:

Someone from SaskTel called me today and tried to set me up with AlarmTek Security. I declined.

Telemarketer lady: That's too bad. May I ask why you've decided to decline?
Me: I have a mean cat and am really broke and pretty much don't own anything of value.
Telemarketer lady: *bursts out laughing* You have a mean ... I'm sorry, I just ... I haven't heard ... mean cat? *can't stop laughing*

She laughed through goodbyes and was laughing as she hung up the phone.



From my Facebook status: Last night I had a dream where Luna Lovegood came to work at Booster Juice. It took her to 1:30 am to close (a bad close at that), and the next day she brought a hat box full of colourful budgies. Wat.

I have tomorrow night off, but stupidly said I'd go to UPS at 9:00 AM. Fail.

HMV Special Edition Blu-Ray. It's like a small brick. About an inch thick. The cover is a hologram between Harry & Malfoy and Snape & Dumbledore. Groovy!



I went to pick it up and they couldn't find where they'd put it on old for me. They brought me the usual disc from the shelf, and I asked if it was the HMV exclusive (fuck if I know), and it turns out it wasn't. Came back with the new one and I bought it. Twenty minutes later, they call my voice mail saying they have it on hold for me. Then called back another twenty minutes later, and I explained I'd bought it and they could put it away. Several hours later, I'm called again by another person saying it's on hold for me for pick-up. HMV wtf.

( First Sentence of Every Month )

I think 2009 has been the most uneventful year of blogging in the eight-year history of my LiveJournal. Thank you to all of those who have stuck through it through the years. I haven't forgotten you, I swear!

eatmyphotons!! WE HAVE A LOVE STRONG AND TRUE!



Half-Blood Prince comes out on DVD tomorrow, as do the Ultimate Editions for Philosopher's Stone and Chamber of Secrets. I bought the latter two from Amazon.ca to save bucks, and would have done the same for HBP, but HMV has some stupid-ass exclusive Blu-Ray cover I couldn't live without. Ten bucks more. I'll never grow out of this Harry Potter shit, will I? I feel sorry for whomever has to deal with my shit once I'm dead. There's pretty much nothing of value, just a house full of junk related to a boy wizard and his stupid adventures. Yipes.

I revamped my Blackberry for the first time since I got it last December. I cleared the SMS inbox and suddenly it's a speed demon. I guess 5000+ messages can really slow a phone down. Huh.

Winter has arrived. It was -30 °C (-22 °F) today; -40 °C (-40 °F) with the windchill. Ffff where are my long johns? The five minute walk to the bus stop is torture. I'm not going to any place without a coat check, thanks.

Someone can buy me this for Christmas and I'll be set go to forever.

There's a very good chance I can get laid tonight, but I'm just. Too. Cranky. PMS hits me like a freight train, and all I want to do is slam a book down and cross my arms over it like a pissy bitch. I keep saying I'll go back to the doctor about it, but I never do. It affects my day in such a negative way that I end up spending days trying to make up for my behaviour so I can do it all over again a month later.

The next bit is about sex, but probably only TMI if you've known me since I was a kid and find the idea of me having sex icky. ( Blah blah blah )

After all that, I feel super bummed. Then I remember why I'm bummed, and now I'm pissy again, and it's just a stupid day. I need to do laundry but I really don't want to. Sigh.

The overheard agony in my building and neighbourhood tell me the Saskatchewan Roughriders lost the Grey Cup. O shit, son!

I'm so happy I'm not an obsessive football fan, you have no idea. The green and white has been overloading the city for weeks.

EDIT: Alouettes win Grey Cup on last-second field goal

9:40 p.m. The Alouettes manage to make the two-and-out defensive stop and will have the ball and solid field position. A field goal could win it.

9:43 p.m. Larry Taylor fumbles on the punt return but the Als recover. Still, they lose valuable field position with 40 seconds left in the game. Calvillo throws it away on first down.

9:49 p.m. Kerry Watkins gets the ball into field goal position and Duval gets a chance to kick for the win. On the first attempt, which goes wide, flags fly everywhere. Riders have too many men on the field! Ten-yard penalty and Duval gets another shot. The second attempt is good! And it's over over! The Montreal Alouettes complete an improbable comeback thanks to a too many men penalty. The Montreal Alouettes take the Grey Cup 28-27!

lol.

Last night I had a dream. It starts out in a classroom in my elementary school, only it's high school. We're taking a science class, and the question in the book involves finding what 4 minus the square root of deer is. We all had to draw deer in our equation. In any case, I guess I was talking really loudly, and an old friend of mine chucked a horseshoe at my neck. My head hit the desk and I felt so much pain. 'Jesus, what the hell was that for?'

'You didn't shut up! You didn't notice when I did it yesterday.'

WTF she did his yesterday? 'I have no recollection of that. Why didn't you just telll me to shut up? Crap, I'm getting a huge welt!'

The teacher doesn't much care about it, agreeing that I didn't notice it the day before. The welt gets huge. Later on, I'm walking in some sort of common area when I feel very faint and hit the floor. Nobody jumps to help. Instead, I hear a basketball bouncing. Finally someone comes, and puts me into a too-small sleeping bag and drags me off. The end.

Christmas in the mall blows ass. I'm so behind on shopping. I've been avoiding the bar. Yay.

Just as I was thinking about her, I found a birthday CD Bianca made me for one of those birthdays I had. After ten or so birthday songs, it broke into love ballads, shit from the 90s, and some random bad stuff. She made me several CDs over the years, and I pretty much never listened to them. Usually this had to do with her writing 'THIS IS A BAD CD' on it. This one is no exception.

Sigh. I'll think I'm done grieving and then I'm totally not. If I haven't said it already, losing Dad was the hardest thing ever, but losing Bianca almost trumps it. I certainly feel as sad as I did. I feel sad about Dad because he's my Daddy. I feel sad about Bianca because she was the friend who was there the most when Dad let me down. She and him had the same birthday, and we agreed that October 3rd was much better spent celebrating her than him. I eventually stopped writing his birthday on my calendar in favour of hers alone.

I wonder if she ever listened to the CDs that I made her. Whatever I put on them, they probably sucked.

If anyone has been keeping track of my Twitter or Facebook, they'll know I have the flu for the second time this season. Fuck you, flu shot! I will never surrender! I haven't been at work since Tuesday which means my party days are numbered. Right now my temperature is normal, but my breathing feels laboured in my left lung and my cough is amazingly rough. I'll see a doctor if it gets worse. For now I've been able to shower. I don't remember anything since Tuesday afternoon when I fell into bed and declared defeat. I've slept so much but feel on track. WTF. I hope to go to work tomorrow.

NEW MOON TONIGHT. Once again I will be pairing up with eatmyphotons for some drunken trolling, though I doubt I'll need much booze to make me any more fucked up than I already am.


New Moon Fanart by ~AnimeVampireLuvver on deviantART

If any gross people try to sit by us I'll cough a bunch and say it's my H1N1 acting up. If this is the second flu I've had, chances are H1N1 was one of them, if not this one, then the last. I probably deserve it for what an asshole I am. The flu sucks so hard, but having Norwalk that one year was the worst, so I'm not as bothered as I probably should be. I just can't really stand for long periods of time. Food has no flavour. My cat has no patience.

EDIT: Going to the clinic.


Next on my Bucket List.. by ~ALDONCULOUS-CAT on deviantART

WOOO NEW MOON. TEAM CHARLIE.

The mall completely neglected two minutes of silence. I was told by the front desk that by opening at 11:15, they had observed fifteen minutes of silence. Given how many stores were already open and how many people tried to order smoothies in that time, it was the loudest fifteen minutes of silence I've ever been involved in. No announcement was made. Nobody stopped. Nobody noticed and nobody cared. I wish I was just being a pussy when I say I felt sick about the whole thing, but Remembrance Day is something that was pounded into my brain as a kid, and something I won't touch with a fourty-foot pole. Two minutes. Kids weren't even in school today. We had to go to school. We went to school and held an assembly and played Last Post and prepared speeches and prayers. Remembrance Day is the best day to remember that the whole reason we're in school is because of those who fought and died so we could have that privilege. Sigh. I'm going to phone the mall office tomorrow and complain. Maybe it's a lost cause, but if twenty years from now we don't even bother to wear poppies, I'm going to be a very sad panda.

Moving on. I could use a distraction.

I couldn't stand slipping and nearly dying all day, so I finally caved and invested in non-slip work shoes. $99 with tax. I can't afford them, but the reviews imply they're money well spent.



The last shoes I bought for work wore out in two months, and I've been sliding like a fool all day long. Come Saturday, I'll know if these shoes really are non-slip, or if I wasted money I could have spent on something pretty.

Monday the 2nd was Bianca's funeral. I thought I'd have something to say about it, but I really don't feel like it. It was as hard as my dad's funeral, and that's saying something, as Dad's funeral nearly killed me. It was so hard to walk away from her grave. It's within biking distance of my house. I've never really felt the need to visit a grave, but I'll probably go visit hers.

I'm only starting to get my voice back. I feel naked and weird and not myself without it, but then maybe I talk too much to begin with. I haven't cried since bland arrived. Neither of us have. I figured it would be a big sob fest as soon as I saw her, but it almost feels like she isn't here at all. Other than the ceremonial purchase of new Tamagotchis, it hasn't been the happy reunion it should be. We're reunited for a purpose, and that's to bury our best friend.



Alison's catching a few winks before we head downtown. I have to work at UPS for an hour so my boss can go to an appointment. I don't mind. I'm sitting in my new black dress. I can't stand to not wear a necklace, but I'm not wearing one right now. Just my radish earrings. Bianca would either think it's stupid or funny. Maybe she wouldn't have an opinion. I'm not looking forward to seeing old teachers and friends under these circumstances, but then maybe I am. I don't know what I feel right now. I feel completely blank. Mum has been so good through all of this.

I don't know what the funeral will be like. I just want it over. My heart's beating a mile a minute. A black, stuffy dress for Bianca. Grey eyeshadow. A black flower in my hair. Bright red Luna Lovegood earrings. Oh, Bianca Rose Schwab, I can't believe how lost I am without knowing you're alive and causing a ruckus over stupid bullshit. I love you.

Today was such a bad day. I haven't slept for over 30 hours. The one person I thought I could finally count on turned out to be sour. I think the reason I'm crying so much is because now there's absolutely zero chance of things going back to how they were. I don't know what Bianca liked two months ago, but I know all about what she liked two years ago.

I saw separate friends at the Hallowe'en store, and both greeted me with a huge hug. I told them about the funeral being on Monday at 2:00. If it's anything like how her dad's funeral was, I know she'll hate it.



I don't usually wear black to funerals, but Alison and I have agreed it's what she'd have wanted. Alison and I have been trying to arrange a visit for over a year. Chances are she'll be flying in from Vancouver for the funeral. (EDIT: She arrives Saturday afternoon!) I can breathe between the tears. The three of us had a bizarre, fun, amazing friendship, and being at that funeral as the only one who knew it was going to be unbearable.

We'll top it off with a cake and some of Bianca's favourite movies. I can't stop crying but I know it's going to be wonderful.

I was cleaning out my inbox and found the last messages Bianca and I shared. It was some stupid Internet snark between someone else that ended in her deleting me off Facebook. I thought people should turn down their headphones on the bus. She disagreed. It was only a few months ago. She never did add me back. I can't believe how stupid it was. For our years of friendship, that our last words would be some bullshit about crappy music kills me. It seems fitting, but it still sucks so much.

I've been getting sympathy by the boatload from people we went to school with. We both knew a lot of people, but she was my best friend and I was hers. We hung out every weekend. We were constantly at each others' houses. Our classmates don't know we had a falling out, as we didn't really act like it. She moved to Regina, that was it.

ABCDEFGHIJK ... Hopefully on Thursday afternoon I will be going to see CoS with Bianca. We've been exchanging e-mails all weekend, and ... wow. I'm in shock. I'm speechless. I'm ... I'm going to the cinema with a new person. This is so sad of me, to be this thrilled. My head still isn't really working correctly. I'm still not willing to believe it. Its strange.

Last thing she wrote was 'See you tomorrow!'. This is most terrifying. Butterflies are threatening to rip out my intestine. The idea of going to school and talking to someone I've only really spoken with online is .. eeek. Especially since I won't know where to meet her, or anything. I'm rambling and need to shut up.

08 December 2002

I feel like barfing. So often in my LJ I've referred to her as my best friend. Quoted times when we called each other best friend. I think I'm going to be sad for quite some time.

lufavain died today in Regina. Something about a collapsed lung after having been in a coma. I don't know a damn thing about it, only that I want to send some condolences to her mother so badly, but she lives in PEI. I don't know anything about a funeral, if she'll be sent to PEI with her mum and siblings, if she'll be buried here, or in Regina, whatever. Will the funeral be in Regina? Nothing. Her dad's ashes are here but her Mum and siblings moved back east and Bianca stayed in Saskatchewan. All I know is that a mutual friend confirmed that she died at 3:20 this afternoon, and that's that. I'm hoping to see Sheldon tomorrow.

Bianca and I had a major falling-out a few years ago. She said some pretty horrible things to me, but now she's dead, and I have no idea what to think or do. She was my first and best friend all through high school, and meeting her became the only reason I didn't transfer away from Holy Cross.

I cried for a moment and now I feel sicker than ever. Like, wtf does a person do when someone they were BFF with dies, but not before one broke the other's heart? I don't want to get up tomorrow.

There's a new kiosk at Midtown Plaza specializing in Ed Hardy balaclavas, and only Ed Hardy balaclavas. I just ... Do we really need this?

WHAT SHOULD I BE FOR HALLOWE'EN? Last year I was Alice from Wonderland, and the years before I wore variations of Hogwarts robes. I'm not sure I'll have time to sew anything this year, which sucks balls, as once you go homemade YOU NEVER GO BACK. Maybe I'll beg Mum to let me use her dining room table. I just need to decide fast as I'd be pulling this together on Monday and Tuesday. Any ideas?

EDIT: I'm not sure what my Hallowe'en plans are, but I'd like to be something I can comfortably wear to work/a party, keeping in mind I work at a smoothie bar (I can wear an apron overtop)